Can't look back now

Rather than a witty figure of speech, the title of this piece is a reference to my literal current partial immobility. For reasons unknown I had a sore neck on Monday which developed into a full-on couldn't sleep a wink night of distress on Monday night but has gradually mostly worn off. As I type, I decline to turn my head more than a few degrees to the right or make any sudden head movements. Surprisingly, cleaning your teeth (or, rather, me cleaning my teeth) involves more head movement than vigorously waving your hand about suggests. For anyone who has had lower back trouble, this is the same sort of surprise as with leaning forward to clean your teeth, "#$%&! I had no idea I moved my back that much." Best not do both at the same time!

Anyway, I toddled, uncomfortably, off to see the Chinese visa processing people who live on the Holborn Viaduct. Dr. H noted this was "very far" (or "oshin delico" as I think the woman on the Russian language course says) from Marble Arch where the bus stops and he was spot on. It would have been slightly less far had the 26 of "26 Holborn Viaduct" been on the building's frontage rather than just the name. But still, second time of passing there was a stream of people matching the Chinese phenotype emerging and a quite obvious Chinese visa processing sign on an inner door.

They seemed to have taken over most of the ground floor with a surprisingly large number of people waiting (over 20) in front of the 15 or more counters. Two of which were open. I presume they open more counters when there's a lot of business but as we applicants had used almost all of the seating already I didn't look promising for customer comfort on a busy day. Still, they seemed to be making good progress and were pre-empting the dismissal of the current applicant being served by calling up the next whilst the current was still at the counter.

About twenty minutes later I was called up (two or three minutes per person) and handed over my paperwork. "{something unintelligible}" "Sorry?" "{something equally unintelligible}" "Uh?" "Bag? You have prepaid bag?" "Uh, yes."

"You have prepayment form?" "Uh, no, " and before I could point out that there was no such form on their website nor had anyone offered me a form here I had been shot a look of incompetent fool before it transpired she didn't have any either.

So I started to fill that form in (I'll note here that the visa processing service, non-refundable) costs more than the visa...) when I was quizzed on my travel plans. "{something} hotels?" "Yes, just there." I replied, leaning under the counter window. "{something} booking hotels?" "Is that not the hotel bookings?" I said (leaning through again) pointing at the Chinese script on the booking forms I'd been sent, the only guessable part being the Arabic numerals from 11 to 18 representing the dates in July. "{something} flights?" (Bugger, time to bluff) "I'll be crossing over by bus from Pakistan." "I don't think you can do that." (Yikes) whereon she turned away to do something else and a few moments later muttered "no, it is OK." Which I assume was directed at me.

She then photocopied a receipt and handed it to me with rather shrilly delivered the words, "That is all. Goodbye." I've been around enough Orientals to recognise the universal "Get Out!" when I hear it.

And so that was it. The receipt suggests I'll find out one way or another on the 10th (Friday) to which we can add at least a day for the Royal Mail to proffer up a Special Delivery. Who knows if the absence of any flight details will affect my application, whether she was just unsure and corrected herself or whether she has any say in the matter at all.

I was asked later, surely they don't expect you to go booking everything if you don't know whether or not you will get a visa? To which I would suggest that, yes, yes they do. Readers may recall there was the £10 pseudo-booking of flights to and from Kathmandu when I was applying for the Indian visa. This is more of the same. I think you have to show willing and commitment and invest in your proposed entry to a country. I imagine the British do the same to Johnny Foreigner and they're just calling us out on it.